Dear Grandma Lena

Josephina Ryann Smith

I 'd like to talk about my Grandma Lena for a moment. Lately, I've been missing my Grandma more than I ever have before. She died in January of 2010. Maybe it's the recent decline in my health (both mental and physical), or the medication, or the stress, or all of the above, but the fact that she is truly separate from me, and that I really honestly can't talk to her, leaves me in tears. Sometimes it's hard being Lutheran. Our connection with the dead isn't strong like it is the Roman religion of my youth. That is, it isn't familiar. The saints who have died are in heaven with Christ, in paradise, outside of time. To them, it will seem like a blink of an eye until they see us again, while for us, it's a lifetime. We can't talk to them or expect help from them or communicate through Ouija boards or anything like that, to anyone but demons I suppose, but we are so infinitely bonded by the love of God given to each of us in our Baptism that it ought to overshadow any feelings is missing and separation. 

Now, I said "ought," and one should never turn an "ought" into an "is." We still miss, and we still cry, and we still want to talk to them. We will get to one day, but right now, Grandma Lena is busy with Jesus, and though I commune with her at the Lord's Supper, our every-day conversations will have to wait until I join her in heaven, which God willing won't be until my kiddo is fully grown and my husband is good and tired of me :)

So, here's to Grandma and our lack of everyday conversations. I love you.

Hallo Grandma, und wie ghets?

I hope that you are well on that side of Heaven's gates.

I have a lot of regrets, wouldn't you know it?

It's about time I swallow my pride and show it.

I missed your funeral after you had died.

I know I was sick, and I'm sorry, I still should have tried.

I wish I would have called every time I had the chance,

and learned all your recipes, your hopes and dreams, and how to polka dance.

I wish I would have just done the dishes and listened to you talk,

instead of standing up for feminists and making myself someone for Grandpa to mock.

I wish I would have paid attention along our garden walks,

to what kind of bird was singing, or if that was that an eagle or a red-tailed hawk.

I'm not sure why--maybe because you are so sweet and kind--

but today, I wish you were still alive.

I wish you'd met my daughter, Grandma, now she's nearly one.

She'd have loved you so, I know, you two would have so much fun.

The truth is that I'm sick now, Grandma, sicker than before,

Sicker than I was when my body started its pointless civil war.

They're not sure if I'll ever get better,

and that is why I'm writing you this selfish letter.

I'm scared and I am lonely, life is changing way too fast.

Now I wish I would have asked you all about your life and past.

I wish I would had asked you how you stayed alive 

when your life got so hard that you could have easily just died.

But you silently endured the tragic drowning of your 7-year-old son,

then the nasty anger and hatred of yet another one.

You felt the crippling of the accident of a grandchild you weren't allowed to know,

and the death of another grandson taken from us all so fast, he wasn't meant for you to hold.

Your home-life wasn't as happy as many thought it to be.

Grandpa was nice to some, but to you, he was as mean as mean could be.

Still your joy was real. Somehow, your happiness wasn't fake.

There are so many lessons from you I wish I could retake.

But we Lutherans never wish: instead, we're taught to pray,

And we'll get our answers, but not 'til Judgement Day.

I pray for you to live again, and I know that you will.

Your baptism into Christ sealed that blessed, loving deal.

I pray that I'd have used my time with you in a better way.

Well, no one can change the past, but God can make the past not matter someday.

Heaven holds no grudges and carries no ill will,

so alive or dead, I know I'd be forgiven still.

Christ took my regret and all your broken-hearted pain to that holy Cross,

and that is the only way you could ever bear your loss.

One moment of His agony was endured just for you, 

for all the things you did and didn't do, but mostly for what was done to you.

You knew what that meant, and so your smile was so very bright.

You knew that Christ would plead your case, and everything would be made right.

You were stronger than most anyone, and far more faithful than I can be,

but still, you're someone I can strive to be.

I am sick, Grandma, very sick, but I'll be okay.
And if I die tomorrow, I'd still say the same.
I'll still be sad sometimes, God allows that, too,
but mostly I'll be happy knowing that His Word is true.
I'll still miss you because things are other than they ought to be;
and I'll keep missing you until it's finally your face I get to see.
Tell Jesus to come back soon: things here are getting worse.
People are dying left and right, the Middle East is in a living curse.
More babies here are dying every hour, inconvenient and unloved.
Nothing I do changes that. I pray for God to change it from above.
I'm running out of hope each time I hear the news,
So please remind our Savior that He promised our side wouldn't lose.

I will see you soon, Grandma, but not too soon, don't worry.
Even though it's scary here, I am in no hurry.
I can love my life, even when life is hard to live
because you and I both know Christ had nothing but Himself to give.

At the Tomb

"NOW ON THE FIRST DAY of the week Mary Magdalene came to the tomb early, while it was still dark, and saw that the stone had been taken away from the tomb... Mary stood weeping outside the tomb, and as she wept she stooped to look into the tomb. And she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had lain, one at the head and one at the feet. They said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “They have taken away my LORD, and I do not know where they have laid Him.” Having said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing, but she did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?" (John 20:1, 11-15a)

* * *

When Mary Magdalene stood facing the empty tomb of Jesus that blessed Easter Morning, she burst into tears. Jesus wasn't there. She'd watched Him die in the most brutal way imaginable only three days earlier, and all she wanted to do was visit His body.

We taste a small portion of that same sadness we pray for God to heal us, and we stay sick. We feel a little of that helplessness when we ask Him to save a loved one from death and watch them die anyway. We know some of her anguish when we beg God to help us out of trouble but seem to struggle alone. We feel her heartbreak a little when we lose our ability to walk despite our years of offering and service in God's house, when we turn on the news to bombs and gunfire in our very own streets, when our parents lose their minds to dementia, when our bodies betray us, when each day is filled with pain. 

We know her agony when we weep at the tombs of our loved ones, of our health, of our hopes and dreams and expectations. In those dark hours, you and I, like Mary, fail to recognize Jesus for who He really is. All we see is a man who couldn't save Himself, a man who has disappeared and left us all alone.

But in the middle of all that aching sadness, you and I are blessed because we know now what Mary Magdalene didn't know then: the whole story of the Christ, the Son of God. We know that what looked like weakness was actually the greatest, most powerful miracle in all of heaven and earth. The Son of God sacrificed Himself for us. Our seemingly infinite list of pain and suffering does have an end: it ended on that terrible and beautiful cross.

Our lives can seem like one long Good Friday. Sin remains in us and all around us, BUT it does not consume us. Take heart: your Easter Morning is coming because His Good Friday has already been. In the meantime, God is with you as you weep at the tombs of what should have been, though Satan would have you believe otherwise. God is with you for Christ’s sake because Christ chose to die for you, and nothing can sever you from God’s love even though the world has severed from you from those you love best like the grave separated Mary from her Savior. But only for a little while. Nothing will keep you and your loved ones from that same Resurrection of Jesus. He has overcome the world, and like an Easter morning following a Good Friday, our grief will be replaced with joy.

Knowing all that, spending time weeping at tombs seems a fairly silly thing to do.

Suggested verse to repeat if it's a difficult day is from John 20:15

PRC buddies, remember to breathe!

"Why are you weeping? -------> 5 count inhale

Whom are you seeking?" -------> 5 count exhale

Grave, Where Is Thy Vict'ry?

"For to me to LiVE is Christ, and to DiE is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful LABOR for me. Yet which I shall CHOOSE I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to DEPART and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on YOUR account." (Philippians 1:21-24)

Édouard Manet
The Funeral, 1867

Generally, the world fears death. Religious or not, we do whatever we can to avoid it for as long as possible. We don't like to dwell on it. Three days of bereavement is all we need for preparation and a funeral, and then we return to normal. Then on the other hand, the world views death as a friend when it's convenient enough. If someone is suffering, we long to end that suffering by any means necessary, as though death is preferable to enduring physical pain. That's a harsh reality for those of us in lifelong chronic pain.

And that's just about right, in an imperfect sort of way. As a hospital deaconess, I've prayed for death to come quickly as many times as I've begged God to keep it at bay. Death is cruel and cold, an enemy to be feared. It was brought about by sin. It's as unnatural as we can get, and it hurts. But because of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, death is also our doorway to Paradise, to where Jesus is and where pain is no more. It's rest. It's sleep. It’s temporary. 

So why not seek death out as a friend? Because to live is Christ. To live is to suffer, not pointlessly, not endlessly, but as Christ suffered. To live is to bring our brothers to Christ, and to die is to be with Him ourselves. Death will come soon enough, and with it Paradise. But until it does, we are needed here regardless of how much we are able to accomplish and contribute. And so we ought neither to avoid it at all costs, nor should we seek it out. Death is God's domain, not ours. It's another example of the paradox that is our lives lived in the world but not of the world.
And when JESUS had entered, He said to them, "WHY are you making a commotion and WEEPING? The child is not dead but sleeping." And they LAUGHED at Him."

(Mark 5:39-40)

Suggested verse to repeat if it's from a difficult day is from 1 Corinthians 15:55a

PRC buddies, remember to breathe!

"Death is swallowed up -------> 5 count inhale

in victory." -------> 5 count exhale

ALL Saints

"See what kind of LOVE the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of GOD; and so we are. The reason why the worlD does not know us is that it did NOT know Him. BEloveD, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not YET appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be LiKe HiM, because we shall see Him as He is. And everyone who thus hoPes in Him purifies himself as He is Pure." (1 John 3:1-3)

Yesterday, we celebrated All Saints Day: a feast day in the life of the church where those of us living here remember all the saints who have gone to heaven before us, all the while trying to be neither too sad nor too envious. Yeah, okay. We know those we love are in heaven, so busy with Jesus and all the company of heaven it'll be only an instant for them until they see us again. But for us... the pain the separation of death causes those left alive is unparalleled regardless of our faith.

What kind of love is this that hurts so badly??? I thought love was supposed to be patient and kind and accompanied by wonderful things like tingling butterflies in our stomachs and warm happy feelings of safety and contentment. But it’s not. At least not all the time. That's why Paul's so often quoted exposition on love goes on to say: “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things,” (1 Corinthians 13:7). Even bad things. No, ESPECIALLY bad things. After all, good things are easy to bear, believe, hope, and endure.

The kind of love that calls you and me children of God (weak and weary and sinful though we are) is not the kind of love that waxes and wanes with passion like a fire left untended until finally all that's left is ashes. It's not the kind of love that disappears as soon as sadness and stress outweigh the warm fuzzies and physical attraction. It's the kind of love that bears the weight of our sins, our sorrows, our illnesses and our imperfections, it's the kind of love that endures the pangs of Satan, sin, and yes even death. It's the kind of love reaches beyond the cold, tearful loneliness of the grave and holds fast to the knowledge that God also loves those whom we love more than we can ever imagine with the kind of love that led Jesus to die for them and for us.

So, hold fast to that painful, sad love you feel for the saints who are in heaven today (Grandma, I miss you so, so much), but smile with your tears. Give thanks for them that they're with God today where the world longs to be. It’s the kind of love that hurts, I know, because you miss them so much sometimes it makes you sick. But it’s the kind of love that saves. It's the kind of love that lasts longer than the grave can hold any of us, and it's the kind of love that does not disappoint.

Suggested verse to repeat if it's a difficult day is from Psalm 130:6

PRC buddies, remember to breathe!

"My soul waits for the Lord, -------> 5 count inhale

more than a watchmen for the morning." -------> 5 count exhale

For more on GRIEF, click here.

There Your Heart Will Be

"For where your Treasure is, there your Heart will be also." 

(Matthew 6:21)

Gold Cross

LOVE is a wonderful gift from God, but love wracked by sin is also bitterly cruel. While love is eternal like God meant it to be, you and I are not eternal. At least not yet, and neither are the people we love. What's more, ours is an imperfect love, riddled with impatience, jealousy, and misunderstanding no matter how hard we try. How very, very cruel. Perfect love would be wonderful, wouldn't it? Maybe in a perfect world. But what could possibly hurt more than feeling perfect love for such imperfect creatures as us? What could hurt more than being hated to the point of murder by those you love enough to die for? Than hearing those same voices who just days earlier were calling to you, “Hosanna! Save us now!” now shouting, “Crucify Him! Crucify Him!” If there is anyone who knows what it's like to have a broken heart, it's Jesus. Our Treasure.

Sometimes we forget that our hearts were already broken by that very first sin in Eden. The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, the sharp knives of short lives or whatever else poets dub tragedy throughout the ages, well, it's all par for our course. Sometimes we forget that our real Treasure is secure no matter what happens between now and then, because our Treasure endured that horribly broken heart both for us and because of us.

So, we are welcome to seek the Holy Spirit to bind our hearts that have been broken by loved ones being temporarily separated from us: in church, in the Word, in prayer, and in the promise of God through Christ because where your Treasure is, there your heart will be also. Don't lay up any treasures here: not cash or fancy cars, not health or work, and not each other either. Meaning: don't love like we'll see each other every day for the rest of our lives, because we've got a long break from each other coming, and I'm going to miss you like crazy. So, sorry for all the misunderstandings and whatnot.

Your heart―your loved one―is with your Treasure. Rejoice along with the tears.

Suggested verse to repeat if it's a difficult day is Matthew 6:21

PRC buddies, remember to breathe!

"For where your treasure is, -------> 5 count inhale

there your heart will be also." -------> 5 count exhale

**NOTE: Matthew 6:21 was the Bible verse engraved on Albus Dumbledore's sister's gravestone. The verse carved on Harry Potter's parents' tomb is 1 Corinthians 15:26, "The last enemy to be destroyed is death." Neat.

I'll Fly Away

Here's Johnny Cash singing the 1929 hymn by Albert Brumley, "I'll Fly Away." Sometimes, I just have to look forward to what lies ahead. Enjoy. And cry. I did.

Philippians 3:12-21

Suggested verse to repeat if it's a difficult day is from Philippians 3:20a

PRC buddies, remember to breathe!

"Our citizenship -------> 5 count inhale

is in heaven." -------> 5 count exhale

For Lena

My Grandma Lena died in January of 2010. She was a wonderful, kind woman who always had a genuine smile for everyone even though her life was anything but easy. She was the best listener I'd ever met. She would have been 87 today.

I was too sick to make the 25hr drive from Pittsburgh to South Dakota for her funeral. I'd made that drive to my Grandpa's funeral just six short weeks earlier---not the best decision I've ever made as I wound up in the hospital just a few days before Grandma died. In any case, The weather was so bad that if I'd tried to fly there, I'd likely have gotten stuck in Minneapolis. My brother couldn't make it from Colorado for that reason. There was nothing I could do.

As sick people, we miss out on a lot of things. We have to. Luckily those things we miss, important as they are, rarely have anything to do with us. Funerals are about praising God for loving the one that we loved more than they're about saying goodbye, and I can do that from a hospital bed just fine if I have to.

We ought to let the guilt go, accept our limitations with grace and reasonableness, and stop thinking about ourselves because it's not about us. (Good advice, to be sure, but I still cry about the fact that I didn't get to say goodbye to Grandma the way I wanted to. I am such a brat).

And so, this video for Grandma Lena. She'd have been thrilled with my effort, chuckled at Tennessee Ernie Ford's overt cheesiness, smiled at the pictures of the landscape she loved, and sung along to one of her favorite hymns, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." Enjoy.

Dear Grandma,

Your knefla was so very good,

Your smile was so warm.

And just like we're sure you did,

We miss visiting the farm.

We wish that two of us

Didn't live so far away,

But winter kept us from you and each other

On this special day.

We were there to say good-bye to Grandpa,

And to show our love to you.

But Dad asked us to say put this time,

And he said you'd say that, too.

So, good-bye, dear Grandma, we love you.

We're sorry we're not there.

Our hearts are breaking all the same,

So ghets, life was never fair. 

We thank God that you don't know about

Our tears and all our pain:

You're busy up in heaven now

Where it won't so much as rain.

And we'll see you one more time:

You were baptized into Jesus

So that when our time to go comes

You'll be right there to greet us.

Please tell Jesus not to wait too long

To make this earth His home.

And in the meantime, we'll be glad just knowing that

You don't have to polka dance alone.

Suggested verse to repeat if it's a difficult day is from Psalm 4:8a

PRC buddies, remember to breathe!

"In peace, -------> 5 count inhale

I will both lie down and sleep." ------> 5 count exhale

ABOUT THIS BLOG

Left Imprisoned

origin unknown

"Herod had seized John and bound him and put him in prison for the sake of Herodias, his brother Philip's wife, because John had been saying to him, "It is not LAWFUL for you to have her." And though he wanted to put him TO DeaTh, he feared the people, because they held him to be a prophet. But when Herod's birthday came, the daughter of Herodias danced before the company and pleased Herod, so that he promised with an oath to give her whatever she might ask. Prompted by her mother, she said, "Give me the head of John the Baptist here on a platter." And the king was sorry, BUT because of his oaths and his guests he commanded it to be given. He sent and had John BeHeaDeD in the prison, and his head was brought on a platter and given to the girl, and she brought it to her mother. And his disciples came and TOOK THE body and buried it, AND they went and told Jesus. Now when Jesus heard this, He withdrew to a desolate place by Himself..." (Matthew 14:3-13a)

*  *  *

John seems to have gotten the seriously short end of the stick here. Let’s think back for a moment to Luke 4:16-19 where Jesus promised to free the captives. Well, no one was more captive than John locked up in Herod's prison, and he wasn't set free. What's more, John was on a first name basis with the Christ; they were friends even while still in the womb! (Luke 1:39-45) While in prison, John heard of Jesus' miraculous works, and he sent messengers to Jesus, asking, “Are You the One who is to come, or shall we look for another?” Jesus’ answer? His answer was to perform more miracles for others, to heal people who were sick, proving that indeed He was the one to come, that the Kingdom of God was finally present on earth (Matthew 11:2-6).

All the while, John remained right where he was: in prison until Herod finally killed him.

John did everything he was supposed to do. He was the man who baptized Jesus. He paved the way for the Savior, preaching a baptism of repentance. He didn't take the glory for himself but rather reminded people that he was not the one to come, but One greater than himself was coming, whose sandals he was not worthy to carry (Matthew 3). But Jesus, who has all the power in the world at His very fingertips, did nothing to save him.

...or did He? Sometimes I feel like I'm left imprisoned while those around me are healed and set free, just waiting for some floozy to demand my head be served to her on a platter. Then I remember that John the Baptist, Jesus’ cousin and friend, was also left to suffer. And I remember that Jesus, who has all the power in the world, did everything to save John, and He has done everything to save me, even unto death.

And so, just as He died to save us, being "saved" by Him likewise doesn't mean that we're spared the pangs of death. Jesus took on the sin of the world, and although John the Baptist did what he was supposed to do, he was not sinless. Jesus took on John’s sin, too. Jesus took on my sin and yours. He died for John, for you, and for me willingly because He loves us. John was captive in almost every sense of the word, but he was also free in the only way that matters: his life, like ours, was ransomed by Christ. And when our heads are served up on those platters, literal or proverbial, Jesus withdraws to a desolate place by Himself. In sadness? Perhaps. But most certainly in joyful anticipation of a conversation with us face to face, His brothers and sisters whom He died for.

So, how can someone be simultaneously free and imprisoned? Why, the same way we can be simultaneously saint and sinner of course: temporarily. We were all of us set free on the Cross of Christ. Upon Jesus' return, John the Baptist, too, will be raised up, alive, head intact, and free, and I shall have a little golden colon. :)

Suggested verse to repeat if it's a difficult day is from Romans 8:25

Pain Rehab buddies, remember to breathe!

"We wait for it -------> 5 count inhale

with patience." -------> 5 count exhale

Don't You Want Me?

"For me, to Live is Christ, and to DiE is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. YET which I shall choose I cannot TEll. I am hard pressed between the two. My desiRe is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessAry on your account." (Philippians 1:21-24)

I sometimes struggle with the fact that I've been so sick for so long and am still alive, what with heaven being so great and all. The prophet Elijah got to that point when running for his life from Jezebel: 

"And he asked that he might die, saying, "It is enough now, O LORD; take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers." (1 Kings 19:4a)

How many times I utter the same thing: That's enough now, O Lord. I am so, so tired... But the LORD didn't take Elijah's life. Instead, He sent Elijah food and water: strength to continue his journey. I guess that's why we aren't supposed to choose when we depart to be with Christ. Dollars to donuts, we'd give up too soon.

Jesus once met a man who was possessed by a demon named "Legion" (the term legion refers to a division in the Roman army consisting of somewhere between 3,000 and 6,000 soldiers). He freed the man from the demon(s), and the man--shunned by his community--begged Jesus to take him along. Jesus said no. Jesus said, "Go home to your friends and tell them how much the LORD has done for you, and how He has had mercy on you." [See Mark 5:1-20 for the full text].

That must have been painful to hear. Confusing and devastating. The healed man wanted desperately to be with his Savior, to be with someone who actually loved him, someone who wouldn't shun him for his past, and here his Savior didn't want to be with him. Or so it would appear. But the fact is, Jesus knew the man had more important things to do.

You and I already know the truth. We already know what the LORD has done for us, and how He has had mercy on us. We can wait to be with our Savior if waiting is what it takes for others to marvel at what we know, if waiting is what Jesus asks us to do, knowing without a doubt that God will always give us the strength to walk as far as we need to go. Yes, to die is gain, but heaven isn't going anywhere: Jesus is holding those gates open. He died for the weaknesses that makes us want to give up and patiently gives us the strength to run another mile and point out that fact to others, "So that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:26a)

Suggested verse to repeat if it's a difficult day is from Psalm 71:9b

PRC buddies, remember to breathe!

"Forsake me not -------> 5 count inhale

when my strength is spent." -------> 5 count exhale

What Good?

"Likewise, the SPiriT helps us in our wEaKness. For we do not know wHat to PraY for as we ouGht, but the SpiRit HiMseLF intercedes for us with Groanings too deep for words. And he who searcHes hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit inTerceDes for the saints accoRding to the will of God. And we know that for those who LovE God, all things work together for Good, for those who are CALLED according to His Purpose." (Romans 8:26-28)

Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting

I worked in a hospital as a deaconess before I got sick. I've been privy to situations too terrible to recount, much less understand, and I've been asked to pray in the middle of them. Most of the time, I had no idea what to say. What can you say during the worst moment of someone's life except, “Help us, O Lord?” Thankfully, the Holy Spirit fills in the rest on our behalf.

I can't imagine a worse pain than watching your child take his or her last breath, and yet I've watched dozens of Moms and Dads do just that. Their strength astonishes me. Surely, God is there. He must be there in all His love and understanding, otherwise how could anyone ever live through that moment? Groanings too deep for words. 

I've got to wonder as I read Romans 8 in light of our nation's newest and arguably most horrific tragedy, the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School, what good can possibly come from this? Tighter security to save more lives in the future? Psychological research that does the same? Organ donations? Sure, all of that's true enough, and it's all good, but IT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. No amount of lives saved or lessons learned will ever make up for the loss of so much as one beautiful life. Not to a mother, and not to God. God doesn't work that way, and neither do we.

God promises us that no death, no trial, no turmoil of ours or anyone else's is ever in vain. Some good comes from it, some we understand, and some we don't. But He never promises that the good will outweigh the bad. Our hearts won't heal—not completely—until we see our children again, our parents, our brothers and sisters, our husbands and wives, and our friends. And through Christ, one day we will. Until then, the Holy Spirit knows our broken hearts, and He intercedes on our behalf, with groanings too deep for words.

Today, find solace in the good those precious, short lives—all of them—brought to this fallen world that needed them so badly, and find peace in the good Christ did for the beautiful souls who lived those short lives. Know that when we weep, Jesus wept with us, and know that God uses everything for good, no matter how terrible it is, no matter how much He'd rather it not happen, because nothing His children endure is ever wasted.

In the end, all tragedies will be made right because Jesus died for that. Those who lost their lives, those who lost their children, will be vindicated with all the wrath and all the love of God, who gave His own Son up to violence for them. For us. Amen.

Suggested verse to repeat to yourself if it's a difficult day comes from Romans 8:37

PRC buddies, remember to breathe!
"We are more than conquerors -------> 5 count inhale
through Him who loved us -------> 5 count exhale

deaconess [dee-kun-nis] noun

1) A woman belonging to an order or sisterhood dedicated to the care of the sick or poor, or who is engaging in other social service duties, life teaching and missionary work.

2) A woman called by a church to assist the congregation in works of service.

LORD, If You Had Been Here

"Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw Him, she fell at His feet, saying to Him, "LORD, if You had been here, my brother would not have died."  When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in His spirit and greatly troubled.

And He said, "Where have you laid him?" They said to Him, "LORD, come and see." Jesus wept. So the Jews said, "See how He loved him!" But some of them said, "Could NOT HE who opened the eyes of the blind man also have KEPT this man from dying?" (John 11:32-37)

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"LORD, if You had been here..." How many of us have thought that very same thing? Of course, Jesus is there, always present with us. And we still get sick, and we still get hurt, and we still die. We still weep. So did Jesus. The fact that Jesus wept at His friend's death gives me enormous comfort. Jesus knew without any shadow of any doubt at all that in literally a few minutes, He would raise Lazarus from the dead Himself. Jesus knew He would talk to His friend again, that Lazarus' family would be with him again, that their pain would end, and still, He was moved to the point of tears.

Sometimes I wonder, with all my education and Christianity and whatnot, why am I so bitterly sad if I believe in heaven? If I know my salvation is secure? Am I a bad Christian? Do I doubt Jesus' love? Do I doubt that any of this ever really happened? Sometimes, sure, to a point. I'm not perfect after all, and neither is my faith, no matter how many books I read and prayers I say. But what Jesus' weeping at Lazarus' death shows us is that we are so bitterly sad because it simply HURTS. Period.

What's "it"? It is sin. Sin and all its consequences. Death hurts. Sickness hurts. Life hurts. Living here in this fallen world when we belong in heaven hurts us so powerfully that even with absolute, perfect certainty of the Resurrection of the Dead and the Life of the World to come, even with complete control over life and death, none of us―not even Christ Himself―can help but weep.

Strangely enough, permission to feel sadness in the midst of my joyful salvation leads my spirit to be less troubled, and my tears to be less bitter. It's not always the sinful, selfish side of us that's weeping for the death of someone we love more than our own life, or that weeps for our own pain and illness and misfortune. We weep for the same reason Jesus wept: because we are painfully aware that things are other than they ought to be. But not for long.

Our hearts are able to break because we are able to love. We are able to love because God loved us first (1 Jon 4:19). These fragile hearts of ours are a gift. It's sin that breaks them, and it's God who binds them up again. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted because He WAS the brokenhearted. Follow Jesus' example: be moved to tears... for now.

Suggested verse to repeat to yourself if it's a difficult day is Psalm 34:18a

PRC buddies, remember to breathe!

“The LORD is near -------> 5 count inhale

to the brokenhearted.” -------> 5 count exhale