Friday, September 7, 2012

A Broken and Contrite Heart

"You will not delight in the sacrifice,
     or I would give it; 
     You will not be pleased with a burnt offering
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit
     A broken and contrite heart, O God,
     You will not despise." (Psalm 51:16-17)

Do you ever have those days when it's just glaringly obvious that you can't do anything right? You can't even BE anything right? I do. These iniquities of mine that currently weigh so heavily on my conscience are not the result of some mistake on my part, or anyone else's for that matter. They were simply thrust upon me. Whether I deserve them or not is beside the point. Nothing I specifically did or didn't do brought them on, and yet I feel a deep, guttural need to confess them all the same.

I feel the need to confess ME. And it's not a good feeling. How can I feel guilty over something that's not my fault, you ask? I don't know, but I do. I feel not good enough, not right, not like I made a mistake, but that I AM a mistake. Go ahead and try to reason me out of my feelings. It won't work. (Besides, I don't think telling me I can't even "feel" right would be the most effective way to make me feel better at this point).

Reason won't bring me relief, so I go with my gut and CONFESS. And soon, I hear an argument from God, someone who is far more on my side than I am. He loves my broken body and my broken heart. He doesn't try to tell me that I'm wrong to feel bad. Instead, He reminds me of what He's done for me. His argument goes a little something like this:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
          I have called you by name, and you are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
          and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you,
          Because you are precious in My eyes,
          and honored, and I love you." (Isaiah 43:1b-2a, 4a)
Huh. Would you look at that. Guess I did something right after all. :) I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have done it had I not been invited--that is, had Jesus not died for me first--so let's give credit where credit is due.

Here's Johnny Cash singing "Just As I Am."

* Suggested verse to repeat if it's a difficult day is Psalm 147:3
Pain Rehab buddies, remember to breathe!
"He heals the brokenhearted -------> 5 count inhale
and binds up their wounds." -------> 5 count exhale
For more on hating yourself, click here.

1 comment:

  1. That is some serious stuff. Thanks for bringing it up. Sometimes the truth is not pretty and it can be hard to face. People tend to forget that the ugliest truth will never be uglier than the prettiest lie.