"BE PATIENT, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand." (James 5:7-8)
Christians know suicide is not an option. It's a sin. It's murder, simple as that (Exodus 20:13). Even so, I've thought about it. (This was long before I had a kid). I'm willing to bet that everyone with a chronic illness has considered suicide at one point or another. Someone very dear to me attempted it at the same time I was contemplating it, making it somehow more realistic for me to do, more attainable, and yet the pain it causes others is simply too high a price to bring an end to my own suffering, the sinfulness of the act notwithstanding.
No matter how unbearable living life gets, our Savior suffered far worse on our behalf, and to taste of His suffering is--believe it or not--a blessing (2 Corinthians 4:7-18; 1 Peter 4). But it is so hard. It's so hard that Satan, the clever liar that he is, whispers to us in our darkest moments that we can choose to be with God on our own terms and finally be at peace. After all, He says He loves us, right?
Right. And Christ died for the sin of suicide, too (Mark 3:28-30). For the baptized children of God who succumb to the lies of sweet release, we understand. God knows their hearts, and while He punishes the unrepentant who commit sins willingly, He does not punish the weak for losing a battle with their weakness. He died for the weak (Romans 5:6). He died for our darkest moments and for what those moments drive us to, for our Gethsemane when the strength of angels is not enough for we who are not perfect.
All I can say is that if you feel like going home, go to church. There is your home until God calls you Home for good and in His own time. And He will call you when He, and you, are ready. Your suffering is not forever. There are so few things in this life we can count on, but we can count on the fact that Christ saw to that for you (Revelation 21:4; John 16:22).
*Please note that "some American dude" is country musician and song writer Charlie Rich, also known as the "Silver Fox," now deceased.
Suggested verse to repeat if it's a difficult day is from 2 Corinthians 4:9
Pain Rehab buddies, remember to breathe!
"We are struck down, -------> 5 count inhale
but not destroyed." -------> 5 count exhale
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255