Sunday, May 18, 2014

Believe in ...Yourself?

"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in Me. IMY Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to PREPARE a place for you? And if I GO and prepare a place for you, I WILL COME AGAIN and will TAKE YOU to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going." (John 14:1-4)

Against my better judgement, but owing to my increasingly vexing desperation, I've been on a recent prednisone binge. Or "burst," as they call it. Binge sounds more appropriate. For those of you who don't know, that's a short series of high doses of steroids, medication that makes most people feel great.  

I.  feel.  awful.

It's horrible and yet morbidly interesting to watch myself go from a moderately reasonable person to a person who has to work very very hard to act even a little bit reasonable. I see myself being unreasonable, and like a car wreck, I can neither stop it nor look away. A spider on the floor elicits a shriek for my husband to come running as opposed the usual cringe and semi-frantic quest for a shoe. The washer going off balance triples my already-speedy heart rate, a disturbing news story causes me to obsess for days, and sleep? Peh. Not without liberal doses of sedatives, which of course carry their own compounding list of side effects. All of this leaves me to wonder just who the h*** am I, anyway?
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8
Things often happen to make it glaringly obvious that I cannot, indeed should not, believe in myself. If something as little as a pill a day can change who I am, or at least who I thought I was, what is there to believe in? But thankfully I am not called to believe in myself. Sure, it's our current culture's battle cry, but the only One who matters shares a different mantra with us: "Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in Me." Whew. What a relief because today, I am making absolutely no sense.

Suggested verse to repeat if it's a difficult day is from John 14:1
PRC buddies, remember to breathe!
"Believe in God; -------> 5 count inhale
believe also in Me." -------> 5 count exhale

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