We're told not to pay attention to our pain, or our chronic symptoms, to distract ourselves from that reality lest it become all consuming. Wise advice to be sure, and often effective, but not altogether feasible while I'm sitting in a hospital room tethered to an IV for 5 hours of nonstop reactions and needle pokes.
It's
a cruel thing: medication that is so necessary is often so difficult
to tolerate. The same goes for surgeries, and well, a lot of
necessary things are difficult to bear. So, we bear it for the
greater good, and we ought not to complain.
But
there are some days, like today, when I cannot reason, pray, argue, meditate, delude,
or distract myself out of mope mode. It is impossible. So, I indulge
it. I indulge it to the point of expressing just how crappy
it is to have to be tethered to an IV for five hours while the thing
that's meant to help me feels like it's killing me. I
had to do something to wile away the hours lest the beeping of that
hideous machine "increase my fury, as the beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage." (from Edgar Allen Poe's "Telltale Heart") And
what better way to utilize my idle time than to use a song that someone
else wrote and performed to express my own thoughts and feelings?
Well,
I'll share the video anyway. Perhaps someone among you will find it as cathartic as I did. If you
ever find yourself stuck in mope mode, I hope you turn it into
something great.
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