Monday, June 25, 2012

Mope Mode (makes me do crazy things)

We're told not to pay attention to our pain, or our chronic symptoms, to distract ourselves from that reality lest it become all consuming. Wise advice to be sure, and often effective, but not altogether feasible while I'm sitting in a hospital room tethered to an IV for 5 hours of nonstop reactions and needle pokes.

It's a cruel thing: medication that is so necessary is often so difficult to tolerate. The same goes for surgeries, and well, a lot of necessary things are difficult to bear. So, we bear it for the greater good, and we ought not to complain.

But there are some days, like today, when I cannot reason, pray, argue, meditate, delude, or distract myself out of mope mode. It is impossible. So, I indulge it. I indulge it to the point of expressing just how crappy it is to have to be tethered to an IV for five hours while the thing that's meant to help me feels like it's killing me. I had to do something to wile away the hours lest the beeping of that hideous machine "increase my fury, as the beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage." (from Edgar Allen Poe's "Telltale Heart") And what better way to utilize my idle time than to use a song that someone else wrote and performed to express my own thoughts and feelings?

Well, I'll share the video anyway. Perhaps someone among you will find it as cathartic as I did. If you ever find yourself stuck in mope mode, I hope you turn it into something great. 

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